Top 100 Sarcastic Status in English 2020



Sarcastic Status in English 2020

Top 100 Sarcastic Status in English 2020

Sarcastic Status in English 2020

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. People who reply to my sarcasm with sarcasm... are my favorite.

3. When I said how stupid can you be? it wasn't a challenge.

4. Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

5. I'm actually not funny. I'm just mean and people think I'm joking.

6. No regrets in life. Just lessons learned.

7. I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

8. Ok. I'm here. What are your other two wishes.

9. If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

10. I don't even believe myself when I say I'll be ready in 5 minutes.

11. Fueled by caffeine sarcasm and inappropriate thoughts.

12. I have two moods. 1. Constant panic and worrying about every little detail. 2. It is what it is.

13. Roses are red, shit is brown. Shut the fuck up, and sit the fuck down.

14. Only dead fish go with the flow.

15. My life feels like a test I didn't study for.

16. No response is a response. And it's a powerful one. Remember that.

17. I don't like morning people or mornings or people.

18. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

19. Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.

20. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.

Top 20 Sarcastic Status in English 2020


1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. I have two moods. 1. Constant panic and worrying about every little detail. 2. It is what it is.

3. Having knowledge is to realize that it is a one-way street and to have wisdom is to know that you need to look on both directions for it.

4. If you want to learn new things, then stop doing it right and start doing it wrong because the best way to learn is from your mistakes.

5. I hope that you never worry about how other people may think of you because they really do not do it often anyways.

6. I certainly believe in good luck because otherwise, I cannot find the reason why some of the people I do not like gets the success they have.

7. You want to know one thing that history teaches men? It is that once nations have exhausted all other means or alternatives, they tend to behave in a suitable manner.

8. I am a vegetarian: not because I love animals and cannot take the thought of eating them but rather because I hate plants and want to diminish their kind.

9. You do not have to experience a lot of suffering just to be a poet, because going through adolescence is pretty enough suffering for anyone.

10. I do not believe that it is possible to share a friendship between a man and a woman. Sure there is enmity, passion, love or even worship but there would never be friendship.

11. The real issue with her is not that she lacks the power of speech but that she is not capable of striking up a good conversation even when her words are good enough.

12. I kind of find that the television can be very educating because every time that it is on, I get to go to the other room to read another book

13. Light travels faster than sound and we all know that from Science 101. But if you think about it deeply, it may also be the reason why most people seems so bright until they start speaking.

14. So there are nights when I just lie awake and ask myself about the things that I have done wrong. A voice inside my head tells me that is going to take more than just one night to list them all.

15. It is so hard to make someone in life love you, what you can do is to keep on stalking them until they cannot take it anymore and give in to you.

16. It is so weird that people complain that there are just no butterflies anymore when they keep on squashing caterpillars because they look ugly.

17. They say that a spoonful of sugar can help the medicine to go down your tummy but it is certainly going to be a problem if you turn out to be diabetic.

18. You know you have good friends if you have someone to help you when you are moving out of your old house to a new one. But really good ones are those that will help you move the bodies.

19. “Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.”

20. “I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
 
21. Anyone can make you happy by doing something special but only someone special can make you happy without doing anything.

22. I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
 
23. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.

24. Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

25. If you expect the world to be fair with you b’coz you are fair with them. It’s like expecting a lion not to eat you b’coz you don’t eat lion.

26.  Do you know the difference between a lady and a woman? A lady does what she’s told and a woman does what she dam well pleases!

27. I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.”

28. I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

29. Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…

30. It’s amazing listening to Italian opera, being moved and not really knowing why. Although I think it’s because the kids don’t like it.

31. Some relationships are like tom and Jerry, they irritate each other, they tease each other, but they still can’t live without each other..

32. When you feel alone, just look at the spaces between you fingers, and remember that’s where my fingers fit perfectly.

33. Man, kids really do ask some tough questions. One just came up to me and said “what’s Nicolas Cage’s worst film?” How do you even answer that?

34. There are three things life brings us: tears, smiles and memories. Tears gets wipe away. A smile fades away. But memories last a lifetime.

35. Relationship is like a book, it takes few seconds to burn but years to write. So write it carefully n never let it burn.

36. When you tell a lie, think of it as peeing in the pool. Let it out slow. Don’t let facial expressions give you away.

37. Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

38. I know it’s sad but I really want to take a slow cruise to China, so I can update my Facebook status with “…is in a real Asian ship”

39. Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

40. When we love, it is not necessary to understand what is happening outside, because everything happens inside us instead.

41. Finally feeling accepted by my b/f’s mum with an invite to a family meal tonight. Bit nervous though. It’s been a while since I last waitressed.

42. My mobile phone keeps telling me it’s unable to perform operations. I am relieved. I wouldn’t want it to start one on me when i’m not expecting it.
 
43. I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.”

44. Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…

45.  A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

46.  When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.

47. When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.

48. When I stare at the sky, I see you. When I stare out into the ocean, I see you. When I’m looking at the moon, I see you. Geez! Would you move aside, you’re constantly getting in my way!

49. I’m gonna strap a snowblower on my roof and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that’s where I’m gonna live.

50. Some relationships are like tom and Jerry, they irritate each other, they tease each other, but they still can’t live without each other..

51. Police pulls over a speeding car ;
COP: I’ve been waiting for you all day.
DRIVER: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could.

52. I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.
“Don’t make me hit you again!”
“You’re going to hit me again? No, don’t do that! I might not survive!”
Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?
I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
“I’d insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand and if I tried to explain it to you, your brain might implode from information overload.”

53. I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

54. If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, its because you’re both heading in the same direction.

55. People say that laughter is the best medicine…
your face must be curing the world!

56. I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

57. My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.

58. Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

59. Gods are fragile things, they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense. – Chapman Cohen

60. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

61. I’m a prince in Lagos, Nigeria and I want you to help me move $500 million out of the country.

62. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body… Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

63. I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

64. I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?

65. Shut up, will you? Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness, should I go get you your coffee and tea now?
 
66. Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!

67. Thanks To You I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

68. You can’t be a real country unless you have a Beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a Beer.

69. Ever wish to be honest without hurting somebody’s feelings? One perfect way to do it is through sarcasm. It’s funny and witty, brings humor into our lives but it gives the most brutal kind of honesty too.

70. In every sarcastic remark we hear, there is always some truth behind it. It’s easier to express our feelings to other people by being sarcastic.

71. People say that laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

72. I would tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

73. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright

74. The whole purpose of sending a text is to get a reply within seconds or minutes, otherwise, I would have sent a letter by fucking mail.

75. Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of sarcasm, wind, and everything fine.

76. True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing.

77. Police pulls over a speeding car:

COP: I’ve been waiting for you all day.

DRIVER: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could.

78. Teacher: We are going to play the quiet game.

Student: Are you playing too?

79. My girlfriend is so good at playing hide and seek. I haven’t found her yet.

80. Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.

81. I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

82. If you wrote down every single thought you ever had, you would get an award for the shortest story ever..

83. A boy is hammering nails into the table:

Mom: What are you doing?

The boy: Is that a trick question?

84. See this hand? It’s going to descend in an arc that will, in the process, have contact with your face. Just warning you.

85. You have no one to blame but yourself. Unless some other guy is standing next to you then you can blame him.

86. Question: Do you know who I am?

Answer: No. Why? Have you forgotten?

87. *Me washing my car*

Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car?

Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.

88. I can’t be around people who take everything I say seriously. I’m not being mean, I’m just sarcastic as hell and I like to joke around. Why are you crying?

89. I always say “morning” instead of “good morning” because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people.

90. I don’t know where all this crap about me being a “difficult person” is coming from. I’m a constant fucking delight.

91. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings, because I guarantee you not one bit of my self-esteem is tied up in your acceptance.

92. If someone points at your black clothes and asks, whose funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, “haven’t decided yet.”

93. When people see you laying down with your eyes closed, they still ask “Are you sleeping?” And I’m like, “No. I’m training to die.”

94. I’m a lady, but when I’m mad, I am an evil sadistic demon spawned b..ch from hell that will make you regret the day you were born.  And when I’m happy, I like to bake cookies and shit.

95. I’m not petty, I’m dead ass disrespectful and I will straight up disrespect you if you want to play that petty game. Your feelings will be hurt.

96. People think I’m shy because I don’t get involved in their conversations. The truth is, I don’t give a f..ck what they’re talking about.

97.  Congratulations! You’ve managed to make me feel like a worthless piece of shit again. Would you like an award for that?

98. I know I don’t have to be sarcastic, but the world has given me so much material to work with. I would hate to be wasteful.

99. Some people will only like you if you fit inside their box. Don’t be afraid to shove that box up their ass.

100. Interviewer: What do you make at your current job?

Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.

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