[1000+] Funny Status for Facebook in English - That Make You Think

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Funny Status for Facebook in English

Funny Status for Facebook in English


801. My wife was afraid of the dark then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

802. I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.


803. My brother is gay and my parents do not care, as long as he marries a doctor.

804. My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

805. I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.
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806. Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

807. Women love a self-confident bald man.

808. Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

809. Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

810. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
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811. Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you are offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

812. There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.

813. Love does not drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.

814. I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

815. Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.

816. The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

817. If a hug represented how much I loved you, I would hold you in my arms forever.

818. Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.

819. An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

820. Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last.
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821. People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

822. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

823. Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

824. A guy knows he is in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

825. You cannot put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.

826. You cannot buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

827. Love is the same as like except you feel sexier.

828. Mumps, measles, and puppy love are terrible after twenty.

829. Love is sharing your popcorn.

830. Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.
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831. Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass.

832. A kiss is a rosy dot over the “I” of loving.

833. If love is the answer, could you rephrase the questions.

834. Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.

835. A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt.

836. He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle.

837. What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.

838. Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.

839. Gravitation can’t be held responsible for people falling in love.

840. If you can stay in love for more than two years, you are on something.

841. Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you are in.

842. Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

843. Do not make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbours are not.

844. Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.

845. To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.

846. Love with old men is as the sun upon the snow, it dazzles more than it warms.

847. I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it.

848. A guy knows he is in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

849. My brother is gay and my parents do not care, as long as he marries a doctor.

850. When you are in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.

851. My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they do not really know me.

852. Love is a lot like a backache, it does not show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.

853. Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you are looking for, go live with a car battery.

854. Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, and you lose interest.

858. A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

859. What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary. Get married on his birthday.

860. Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

861. If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools.

862. Women hope men will change after marriage, but they do not; men hope women will not change, but they do.

863. True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

864. Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.

865. I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

866. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you wil become a philosopher.

867. n love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place.

868. Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you would be surprise at the large number that re-enlist.

869. An arhaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.

870. I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I have not had time for tobacco since.

871. Love does not drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.

872. Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with chopsticks; it looks easy until you try it.

873. Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you are offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.

874. There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach.

875. When a couple of young people strongly devoted to each other commence to eat onions, it is safe to pronounce them engaged.

876. Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three-meals-a-day and remembering to carry out the trash.

878. If you love them in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love them at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you are in love.

879. Marrying a man is like buying something you have been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it does not always go with everything else.

881. student + dying = Studying.

882. The examined life is no picnic.

883. The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth, until you step in the exam hall.

884. A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.

885. If you cry on seeing the question paper it is an insult. If your teacher cries on seeing your answer paper, it is your achievement.

886. A girl may not help you to get lot of marks but Marks help you to get lot of girls, so Love your studies not girls.

887. Luck is for the lazy, success is for those who work hard.

888. I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam, I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

889. Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I am tired of solving them for you.

890. I wish exams came with 50/50 option.

891. Lovely days in my life, Childhood days, School days and collage days, Horrible days in my life :only exam days.

892. I know I am something, because God does not create garbage.

893. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

894. Every burned book enlightens the world.

895. The probability of a topic appearing in an exam increases exponentially, if one decides to leave it completely.

896. When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I do not think I can eat eight.

897. The only time to eat diet food is while you are waiting for the steak to cook.

898. The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

899. I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

900. Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.

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Funny Status for Facebook in English


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