[1000+] Funny Whatsapp Status in English with Images & Pictures

Funny Whatsapp Status in English: Now This Collection Will Loved By Many People, We Have Selected All The Best Funny Status Quotes. Best Funny Status for Whatsapp in One Line, Funny Quotes for Whatsapp Status, Funny Whatsapp Status for Girls/Boys.

Funny Whatsapp Status in English with Images & Pictures

Funny Whatsapp Status in English


701. Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

702. It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.


703. It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

704. I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

705. I do not care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I will laugh because they will probably be funny.
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706. If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.

707. Electricity is really just organized lightning.

708. I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

709. I have not spoken to my wife in years. I did not want to interrupt her.

710. Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
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711. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

712. You are only as good as your last haircut.

713. Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

714. I never said most of the things I said.

715. It's funny how most people love the dead, once you are dead, you are made for life.

716. Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I am being funny, but I am reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we are going down the tube.

717. I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

718. Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it's really how it works.

719. I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them.

720. I am writing a book. I have got the page numbers done.
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721. One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.

722. I am writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

723. I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

724. A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

725. By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

726. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one.

727. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

728. The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

729. Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

730. Life would be tragic if it were not funny.
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731. All men are equal before fish.

732. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

733. Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

734. I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

735. If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.

736. The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.

737. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this was not it.

738. This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

739. One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening.

740. I know my strong points: I work hard, I have talent, I am funny, and I am a good person.

741. I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.

742. We are all born mad. Some remain so.

743. The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

744. My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

745. Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.

746. Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they are down, and when they are having a good time, I can carry on the joke.

747. Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help.

748. It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.

749. Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

750. It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.

751. The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

752. Try to find someone with a sense of humor. That's an important thing to have because when you get into an argument, one of the best ways to diffuse it is to be funny. You do not want to hide away from a point, because some points are serious, but you would rather have a discussion that was a discussion, rather than an argument.

753. All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

754. I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

755. I love fools' experiments. I am always making them.

756. If I had to live my life again, I would make the same mistakes, only sooner.

757. Turn up the lights. I do not want to go home in the dark.

758. A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

759. It sounds funny, but my biggest fear is that I am not perfect. I am a perfectionist, and I get upset when things go wrong or when I do not do well.

760. I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
761. A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

762. You can lead a man to Congress, but you cannot make him think.

763. The funny thing is, I am so used to not caring what anyone says, good or bad, that unfortunately even when people say good things. I wish it made me feel good, but it does not.

764. If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk.

765. Do not talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

766. Too much agreement kills a chat.

767. Chaos in the midst of chaos is not funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.

768. The best measure of a man's honesty is not his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.

769. When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

770. Only the mediocre are always at their best.

771. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we do not know where the hell she is.

772. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

773. If you do not mind, it does not matter.

774. I am not funny. What I am is brave.
775. I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

776. I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand.

777. I love mankind; it's people I cannot stand.

778. I wear a necklace, because I want to know when I am upside down.

779. Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.

780. If at first you do not succeed so much for skydiving.

781. I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

782. Why do not you get a haircut. You look like a chrysanthemum.

783. Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

784. Housework cannot kill you, but why take a chance.

785. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.

786. I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.

787. I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

788. If you text 'I love you' to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they do not love you back.

789. Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

790. I am now making a Jewish porno film. 10 percent sex, 90 percent guilt.

791. My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they do not really know me.

792. I wish I could turn back the clock, I could find you sooner and love you longer.

793. Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.

794. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

795. Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

796. Love is a lot like a backache, it does not show up on X-rays, but you know it's there.

797. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

798. Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

799. If you can stay in love for more than two years, you are on something.

800. Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.

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Funny Whatsapp Status in English


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