[1000+] Funny FB Status for Friends - That Make You Sound Funny!

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Funny FB Status for Friends

Funny FB Status for Friends


901. The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you are hungry again.

902. Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.


903. Never eat more than you can lift.

904. A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do.

905. Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you.
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906. I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning.

907. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

908. Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche.

909. The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you are hungry again.

910. Vegetarians are cowards. They just kill things that cannot move.
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911. I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

912. My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

913. When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny.

914. My daughters think ketchup is a vegetable.

915. I am not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day.

916. Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the reason I have trust issues.

917. Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the "Titanic" who waved off the dessert cart.

918. A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze.

919. Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos.

920. I do not eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I do not eat anything that looks like I should step on.
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921. One man's fish is another man's 'poisson'.

922. British potato chips differ from the American version in that the English chips are grey and soggy, as if they were laundered with dirty socks. They can be delicious if you have taken complete leave of your senses.

923. Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you.

924. In life you will find three kinds of people: those who will change your life, those who will harm your life and those that will be your life.

925. I have embraced many beautiful memories in my life but the one I admire the most was when I met you.

926. Loving you was the best decision of my life.

927. Life in abundance comes only through great love.

928. Let us have the same confidence in love that we have in life; for confidence is of our essence; and the thought that works the most harm in all things is the one that inclines us to look with mistrust on reality.

929. Mayonnaise, n. One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.

930. Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.
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931. If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger.

932. Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.

933. Snack time heals all wounds.

934. McDonald’s “Breakfast for Under a Dollar” actually costs much more than that. You have to factor in the cost of coronary bypass surgery.

935. It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

936. There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.

937. I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I would be a college graduate today.

938. Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

939. I feel sorry for people who do not drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they are going to feel all day.

940. Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

941. The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf will not get much sleep.

942. Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You will realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

943. When I talk to you, I fall in love over and over again.

944. Falling in love with someone is not always going to be easy, anger, tears and laughter it's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another.

945. I am great in bed. I can sleep for days.

946. Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labour.

947. Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore, and you sleep alone.

948. People who say they sleep like a baby usually do not have one.

949. There is no hope for a civilization which starts each day to the sound of an alarm clock.

950. Sleep is the most moronic fraternity in the world, with the heaviest dues and the crudest rituals.

951. People who snore always fall asleep first.

952. A day without a nap is like a cupcake without frosting.

953. Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.

954. A well-spent day brings happy sleep.

955. There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled.

956. A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book.

957. Sleep is the interest we have to pay on the capital which is called in at death; and the higher the rate of interest and the more regularly it is paid, the further the date of redemption is postponed.

958. It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it.

959. All men whilst they are awake are in one common world: As but each of them, when he is asleep, is in a world of his own.

960. Sleep is the best meditation.

961. Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.

962. Your life is a reflection of how you sleep, and how you sleep is a reflection of your life.

963. For me being depressed means you can spend all day in bed, and still not get a good night's rest.

964. It appears that every man's insomnia is as different from his neighbour's as are their daytime hopes and aspirations.

965. The worst thing in the world is to try to sleep and not to.

966. Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.

967. Sleep: a poor substitute for caffeine.

968. For your birthday, I wanted to give you something that was both funny and charming, but then I remembered you already have me in your life.

969. You should be proud of your age. This year you are wiser, smarter and very close to reaping the benefits of senior discounts at restaurants.

970.  Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.

971. I was going to give you something awesome for your birthday, but the mailman made me get out of the mailbox.

972. Act your age not your shoe size.

973. That awkward moment when people are singing Happy Birthday to you and you have no idea where to look.

974. Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe.

975. At 42 just think of it as being your 2nd 21st birthday.

976. If you want to look young and thin on your birthday. Hang around a bunch of old fat people.

977. So far, this is the oldest I have ever been.

978. It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you.

979. Something to remember on your birthday. Forget the past, it cannot be changed. And, forget the present because I did not get you one.

980. Birthdays are good for your health. Studies show those who have more Birthdays live longer.

981. It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.

982. That awkward moment when it’s your birthday and everyone is singing “Happy birthday to you” and you just stand there clueless of what to say.

983. I am not going to make any age related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.

984. Of course you are not old! You are not very young either.

985. Birthdays are like boogers the more you have the harder it is to breath.

986. I am just here for the cake.

987. When you are over the hill you pick up speed.

988. It’s better to be over the hill than 6 feet under it.

989. You are so old when you look at your birth certificate it said expired.

990. Just remember, once you are over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

991. The best way of staying young is lying about your age.

992. Age does not matter unless you are a cheese.

993. Birthdays are like girlfriends, they come and go- unless you enjoy them.

994. Do you know why old men wear black socks with sandals. You are one year closer to finding out. Happy Birthday.

995. A toast to you! May you live to be as old as you look.

996. Happiness is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth. And that’s what you feel today. Happy Birthday.

997. I was going to make you a rum cake but now it’s just a cake and I am drunk.

998. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.

999. Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.

1000. A birthday is just another 365 days around the sun. Enjoy the trip.

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Funny FB Status for Friends


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